Ava-Yin's progress is remarkable. Since we are not having to deal with any health issues, she has been able to immerse herself wholly into our family without any interruptions. Her English retention is SO good. It amazes me how she uses pronouns and prepositions correctly, and how she remembers words we don't use often. She recites Scripture and loves to sing Katy Perry's song, 'Roar'....except it comes out more like 'wroawr'-super cute, especially with Zoe singing background vocals!!
She loves her brothers. She calls for Briton in the morning and loves for him to crawl in her bed and snuggle for a few Minutes. Caleb is her dancing buddy and overall pal. I'm even going to venture out and say she probably loves her sister, too;)...they continue to wrestle through their relationship, but I know God is working a beautiful thing between them, and He will be faithful to complete it...
Her favorite is daddy. He plays. He snuggles. He's a good, good thing for Ava-Yin, and even though I struggle with jealousy over their relationship, when I'm being objective, I can see why God called Lee to this adoption to begin with. Lee has been a great fit for her, for sure.
...which leads me to me. A couple of weeks ago, I was in a real battle with myself. It was super annoying, super consuming, super selfish...but it was real and it was raging. I was miserable. Everything was going great. Lee was great, The kids were great, life was great, school was great. Everything was great, great. Great. So what in the world was my problem?
I still don't think I really know. Maybe it was post-adoption depression, which is understandable. For the year leading up to travel to China, there was always the next step to look forward to. There was paperwork, training, fundraising. It was a year full of adrenaline rushes and deadlines. Then, we traveled, had an amazing experience getting our new daughter, came home, and for the next few weeks focused on settling her and everyone else. And then, we were settled. Everything settled.
...including this cloud of darkness in my mind. I was irritable, impatient, frustrated, ill. Doesn't that sound like fun for everyone? And it wasn't that I wasn't spending time with The Lord. I was even getting up early as an extra measure to fix myself. But that wasn't working either.
And then, The Lord gently revealed to me, that maybe....just maybe...that was the problem. I was trying to fix myself. If myself needs fixin', then myself probably can't be the one to fix myself.
From there, He brought me back to the basics- Thinking and pondering on God as my Father. He is Sovereign and His plans do not fail. He is wise, and His plans for me are best. He is kind, and His plans for me are loving.
What does all of this have to do with adoption, Ava-Yin and the family? It's a total game-changer. If my thoughts can be redirected from my imperfect, ugly self, to a Perfect, Beautiful Savior, then my entire outlook in life is just, plain, better.
So that's kinda where I'm at in the process...there's always going to be tons of laundry, cleaning, cooking, and kids running around...lots of us are in that same boat. But rather than to get bogged down in all of that, I want to be able to laugh at the craziness of it all. Like, it's totally funny that Briton was outside, washing the dog, with the door wide open, pointing the hose into the dining room and spraying water all over the floor. Not really...that was annoying. I didn't laugh. God has a work to do in me, too...but He will be faithful to complete it in me as well.
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